Paul Nussbaum's in-laws are coming for Christmas, and he's taking protective measures:

It was the fear of being alone with my wife's people that opened my eyes, the thought of enduring one more meal with my father-in-law's extravagant sense of bonhomie or his wife's attitude of eternal indignation or my sister-in-law's perpetual petulance. "If your folks are going to be here," I said, trying to disguise my desperation, "we have to invite someone else to, to, you know, absorb them."

He refers to these "absorbent people" as "human Tums."

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